A “Dark Kitchen” doesn’t sound very appetising.

I had visions of Darth Vader cooking a fry-up or the kid from The Exorcist making me spag bol.

A quick Google revealed that it’s actually a marketing term for an eatery that only does delivery or pick-up and no dine-in.

I was ordering from Nature’s Wok in Palmyra, a healthy Asian takeaway that doesn’t serve meat, instead using plant-based protein.

So I was about to eat pseudo meat from a Dark Kitchen – for a brief moment I thought I was in a weird David Lynch movie or a remake of Soylent Green.

But my daughter said we should go meat-free one day a week, so in the interests of family harmony I threw down my tomahawk steak and dived head-first into the menu. 

There was a decent range of wok-charred noodle dishes, fried rice bowls, stir fries and sides, including Fragrant Mongolian, Tangy Pad Thai, Thai Basil and Cashew, and BBQ mini buns.

Most dishes had a choice of protein – plant-based chicken, plant based-beef or tofu – or you could get it with just veggies.

I ordered the Sizzling Black Bean with plant-based chicken ($17.95 beef wasn’t available).

The online menu was very versatile, letting you choose from a range of noodles (Hokkien, Canton, Ho Fun, Pad Thai), fried/boiled rice, and a host of vegetables and sauces.

I got a jumbo serve with plenty of fresh bean shoots, broccoli, carrot, bok choy, capsicum and sliced onion.

The thick Hokkien egg noodles were nicely cooked, but the black bean sauce was a bit underwhelming – I wanted more of that trademark bold, salty punch.

The plant-based chicken was okay with a pleasant texture and inoffensive flavour, but after a while it felt a bit like making love to a mannequin instead of a real person.

Across the table my human wife “Special K” was tucking into her Korean fried coated tofu ($17.95) – a messy cacophony of battered tofu, egg fried rice and sweet chilli mayo.

It looked like a hangover cure for vegetarians, but the flavours were there, especially in the egg fried rice.

The tofu had a nice batter and a decent texture.

“This would be a really good comfort dish for winter,” noted my wife.

“There’s plenty of veg in the egg fried rice and it’s a good hearty serve.”

My young kids shared a seasonal mixed veggie stir fry ($15.95).

I had a sneaky taste and enjoyed the subtle oyster sauce and steamed rice. The kids polished it off no problem.

We finished the meal with some regulation spring rolls (four for $8.95).

Next time I would go for Nature Wok’s veggie dishes without the plant-based protein as something about the smell and texture reminded me of airplane food.

I also had a Proustian flashback to my mum giving me Linda McCartney veggie sausages when I was a hungover (they nearly pushed me over the edge).

But the meal was a hit with my wife and kids, who planned to devour the leftovers the next day, so maybe my brain is just hardwired to meat and I need a few goes to become adjusted.

Hmm, perhaps a Dark Kitchen isn’t so scary after all.

by STEPHEN POLLOCK

Nature’s Wok Palmyra
369-375 Canning Hwy, Palmyra
natureswok.com.au