IF the world is so connected, why do so many of us feel alone?
Esteemed Perth journalist and author Ros Thomas set out to answer this fascinating question.
Her research took her across the globe where she interviewed countless people in countless countries, trying to work out why a loneliness epidemic was sweeping across the Western world.
Communicating with anyone, anywhere has never been easier, but at what cost?
• Ros Thomas
“The number of hours we devote to meaningful face-to-face connection has declined significantly in the last three decades,” Thomas says.
“We now work from home, take meetings from home, shop from home, are entertained with streaming services at home. Even the dating scene no longer requires going to the pub or club.
“Sociologists now estimate that for vast numbers of us, screens now occupy more than 30-percent of our waking lives.
“If we’re more digitally connected than ever, why are we experiencing an epidemic of chronic isolation and loneliness? Why is teen anxiety and depression at record highs?”
As part of her research into loneliness, Thomas conducted interviews in the USA, Sweden, Netherlands and Australia.
Thomas says her favourite interviewee was Reg ‘Lucky’ Ling, a 93-year-old snooker coach from Somerset in England.
“His formula for avoiding loneliness was to always ‘be’ a friend, rather than ‘have a friend.’” Thomas says.
“’Loneliness is just a measurement,’ he told me. ‘But if the amount of socialising you have is less than the amount of socialising you want, then you’ve gotta do something about it.
• Reg ‘Lucky’ Ling was interviewed for The Loneliness Project.
Socialise
“You’ll have a lot of beginnings: don’t foist yourself on people— there’s a delicacy to relationships you can’t control.”
The pair struck up a bond and Ling phoned Thomas every week while she was overseas to check she was doing okay: “I just adored him: he was an enthusiastically ageless man in a (very!) old body who had life all worked out…”
Thomas says local authorities can make it easier for people to get out and socialise.
She thinks Freo council has done a good job of creating more green spaces and parks, as well places like FOMO Precinct and the skatepark, where people can gather.
“Fremantle Library is doing an excellent job of becoming a community ‘hub’ where everyone is equal and welcomed: libraries should have a much bigger role than just providing books,” Thomas says.
“They can become places that encourage social resilience, somewhere to feel ‘safe’ outside the home.
“For the lonely themselves, feeling needed is the fast-track back to connection: becoming part of a club, volunteering, joining a class, any social ‘opportunity’ to help bridge the gap between being ‘invisible and isolated’ at home and being ‘seen and heard’ in the community.”
Thomas grew up in Perth and graduated from UWA with an Arts Degree in Literature and Psychology.
She went on to become a well-respected TV and print journalist – covering current affairs around the world for Channel 7 and writing more than 400 newspaper columns for The West Australian.
She’s also a well-regarded author and has had novels and short stories published across the globe.
Thomas documented her findings for The Loneliness Project in a Churchill Fellowship Report.
“Loneliness only becomes a problem when the amount of socialising you’re getting is not the amount of socialising you need,” she says.
Thomas will be doing an “in-conversation” about The Loneliness Project at Fremantle Library on Wednesday May 28 from 6:30pm-8pm. Free tickets at https://tinyurl.com/a6jbppj2. For more info see rosthomas.com.au.
by STEPHEN POLLOCK