An entry from our Summer Reading competition.
Let’s set the scene:
DANNY and HELEN to be Married 23.3.74 at 10.45am in St Jerome’s Church, Spearwood
Assisted by:
Best Man: D’Arcy (Darc)
Maid of Honour: Wendy
Groomsman: Alan (Cero)
Bridesmaid: Carol
Priest: Fr Tomich(Tomo)
What follows is a truthful series of events on that day without expletives.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
A morning wedding ceremony can only mean – guess if you’re cluey.
A visit to the early opener Newmarket Pub – The Newy
Precise times and deadline targets are noted.
Darc and Cero arrive early as calculated.
Jump in the ute enjoy few beers games of pool
Schedule! we’re off; institution of marriage beckons how cool.
We hit the bend on Mayor Rd;
someone drops a human hydrogen bomb which fouls the air.
I hit the skids we jump out like idiots|
we run around jump back in with lungs full of fresh air.
Once home even though we insist we’re on time the old man says you will de late.
Adding you boys are stewpeed a name I have been so familiar with to date.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
For the schedule we now have shower shave with speed.
Folks off mum says lock up don’t be late as though to plead.
Smooth smooth as silk as we prepare until a nick.
On the neck from a new blade makes me feel like a dick.
It’s the 70’s no box of tissues just hankies and cigarette paper.
We rise to the occasion patch up and hankie in jacket pocket maybe needed later.
White suits shoes bow ties with fancy blue shirts shit we look dapper.
We’re ready and on time to get hitched what could be better.
It’s the old days exit front door folks have only key home secure.
A leisurely 5min drive with Cero at the wheel how easy to endure.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
We head to a meeting with Tomo unlike our previous meet.
Helen RC Faith education at Tomo’s home but bring 2 King Brown beers hard to beat.
In sight of the church and the gathering you beauty on time with minutes to spare.
Lean in back to Darc you got the ring NOOoooooooo
not the time to be funny don’t dare.
Still on dressing table. NOOoooooooo a bombardment of expletives from all resonate.
Instant agreement as a U turn is performed my only redemption but Helen to wait.
Now that leisurely drive has transformed akin a police pursuit without the police.
Cero in his element now with justification passing on the inside outside all will suffice.
Mobiles would have been handy as we arrive back home in half the time.
Then stark realisation comes over me shit house locked no key hell of a time.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
No need to panic I have on many occasions broken in after late nights lockout.
Fav method stashed wire with hook push key through hole wire under door
drag key out.
However on this occasion for speed have chosen sister Lil’s bedroom window.
Darc and I throw jackets on front seat and off we go.
Flyscreen off window up the old heave up and I’m in.
Ring in hand out front door it’s like we again begin.
Jackets on Darc firm grip on the ring Cero waiting we off
Cero assumes he’s driving the getaway car and needs to escape and literally takes off.
Wow I’ve never seen Spearwood flash by like this before
We arrive make our entrance to an amused packed church take our spots
Tomo to the fore.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
Meanwhile Helen unaware of the situation has been doing circuits of the church.
With cousin Grgo in his flashy Chrysler with Wendy Carol totally in the lurch.
The music sounds Helen makes her entrance I think check the nick on the neck.
Hand in pocket for hankie nothing there what the heck.
Mind in overdrive check with Darc yes hankie in his pocket.
You have my jacket must swap we stand as though shot out like a rocket.
As we change jackets accompanied by immense laughter
Tomo is waiting and beside himself waiting for the next disaster.
In the background I hear stewpeed as Helen makes her way down the aisle.
She draws alongside we hold hands
Mate if I said what beauty no one would be in denial.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
The 10.45 is now 11.15 to begin nuptials please nothing else no one even say boo.
Tomo decides to keep the crazy going by performing ceremony in Croatian and English then I do.
Kissed signed sealed confettied congratulated you beauty Grgo’s Chrysler off to the Phoenix Pub.
In foyer a beer for all no agonising wait for speeches let’s get them over with then grog and grub.
Speeches few short and sweet actually only Darc and I thanking lovely bridesmaids and everyone.
Now we can all enjoy the festivities before we all depart as one.
The Holden Station Wagon is adorned with cans toilet paper sticky tape and Just Married lipstick.
For Helen’s family an education in the Spearwood way different but hopefully approval with a big tick
We’re off down North Lake Rd right into Canning Hwy out the front of Kentucky and bang.
Front left tyre flat head left pull up dang.
Not today in my finery will I change a tyre.
So hale down the first car that comes along and explain please my need of you help is dire.
You got the ring NOOoooooooo
Still on dressing table NOOooooooo
So obliging as he begins until cousin George comes along and offers and takes over.
All done thanks as George adds mate with today’s goings on wouldn’t be surprised if Helen runs for cover.
Again we’re off heading for the secret destination I suggest we’re heading for the Nullabor.
Only to turn left at the Causeway and head down the Terrace and eventually to our front door.
It’s the new ritzy Parmelia Hotel as we are greeted and welcomed with celebrity status.
Ushered through and to our room it is finally only us. We agree a romantic evening with room service as we recalled the day we both laughted.
Emphasis on the romantic we order a dinner of burgers chips and two bottles of Swan Draught.
What a day full of mixed emotions frantic fun happy all heaven sent.
It’s late into the night and about those clouds well at present.
THERE AIN’T A CLOUD IN THE SKY
OUR 50th WEDDING ANNIVERSARY….. 23rd MARCH 2024!!!! *****
by DANNY